Date Added: 11/08/2008
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GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE, THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE
LEARNED: 1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush
your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They
always catch the
second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandma's lap.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE, THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge . . .mostly sweet, with a few
nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held
its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the
inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the
fibre, not the toy.


GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD

1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I
can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do
while you're down
there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from
a rocking chair
that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but
nobody bothers to
ask
you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy
beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:

1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.

SUCCESS:

At age 4 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At age 18 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 20 success is . . . having sex.
At age 35 success is . . . having money.
At age 50 success is . . . having money.
At age 60 success is . . . having sex.
At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
At age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.